Weekly Grab-Ass 9/10/08

Adam Gadahn might be pizza toppings…
Our good friend and the O.C.’s premiere child molestor, Adam Gadahn, otherwise known as “Osama al Quarter Pounder”, might be dead! I guess we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out, in that he typically sends America a video on 9-11 of himself shaving his taint hair while singing praises to allah. Sources say he may have been blasted into bite sized pieces by the recent Predator UAV strike on the Pakistani-Afgan border. Gadahn will be mainly remembered as a JEW. In that his grandparents, and parents were JEWISH. I know that must be hard on a self proclaimed Jihadist Muslim, so let me repeat it again, “YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU FAT CUNT”. I know, you had a falling out with your dad when he found out you jerk your crotch nipple to homo erotic Lord of the Rings fan fiction, and this is your way of getting back, but come on. Islam? Really?

The latin-loser returns!
Hugo Chavez is a diva, a fat fucking diva, and won’t let his good friend Barack Obama steal the spotlight for too long. No, he must captivate American audiences once again, so he finally convinced Russia to hold joint military exercises with his crap-can military. No doubt he had to suckle and stroke Vladimir Putin’s manly Russian nipples for weeks before such was agreed to, but now it is done, and we here in America are shitting ourselves in fear. *Yawn*

World ends on wednesday. Maybe?
Crazy scientists have built the worlds largest atom smashing device. Supposedly they’ll find something amazing to put into their computers. Some worry that this will open up a black hole and suck us in like Keith Olbermann sucks in vagrant cocks. Others think it will open a door to a hell dimension. Either way, it would be better than living through a Barack Obama presidency.

If this is my last day on earth, and this is to be my final post, I would like my final words to be: Nigger…gravitas…penis…and… pussy doodles.