Kobe Bryant found dead in Georgia.
Looking at the evidence, there can be no doubt.
- The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
- The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
- It is male.
- It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and
five toes on each foot.
- The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
- Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five
and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
- From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
- The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.) (Biseor’s Note: Probably the rest of the Lakers)
- The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
This is a sad and shocking day for rapists and basketball fans alike. Our thoughts and condolences go out to Kobe’s wife, Vanessa, who I will be having passionate, uninterrupted sex with this weekend.
This Saturday an open casket ceremony will be held in Los Angeles and will be open to all L.A. Laker fans. A line will then be formed, and each fan will be allowed to place one final kiss on the tip of the late basketball player’s flaccid penis.
As the world mourns, it asks the all important question, ‘Who will be the next little bitch that can throw a ball through a hoop really good?’